DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have recently found out that our 14-year-old granddaughter, a freshman in high school, is being encouraged to drink, or more accurately, "chug," beer out of cans with her stepdad at parties and social gatherings he has been having at their house.

Our son, the girl's biological father, is very concerned about this illegal activity, as are we, but he is fearful if he confronts the mother and stepdad and tells them what they're doing must stop immediately, his ex will withhold his daughter from him even more than she already does. There is no court order for custody and/or visitation between the parents, as they always worked that out verbally.

We feel the local authorities, department of child services, law enforcement and her high school counselor need to be notified about what is happening. This is child endangerment. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor is against the law and could possibly be considered child abuse. Please advise us on the best way to handle this situation. -- ALARMED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALARMED: How did you get this information? Did your granddaughter tell you? Did it happen more than once? What does the ex-wife have to say about it? If the answers your son gets aren't satisfying, he should discuss this with an attorney who specializes in family law.

Your son may want to consider inquiring about taking full or partial custody of the girl. At the very least, he should consider seeking a court order that guarantees regular visitation. If anyone attempts to prevent it from happening, at that point, he may want child protective services to become involved.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my second wife for 21 years. We have been together for 23. I never had children of my own but have been blessed with two children and five grandchildren from my wife. My granddaughter, who is 23, will be getting married this year.

I have just learned she has asked her mother's boyfriend and her brother to walk her down the aisle. I have known her since she was 2 months old. Her mom's boyfriend is a live-in and has been good to her, as have I. Her brother is already a member of the wedding party.

Needless to say, I am crushed and hoping she will change this before the wedding. If not, I do not plan to attend. I have always told her she needs to be responsible for her actions, and that her decisions will tell the world who she is. Please advise. -- STEPPING UP IN MISSOURI

DEAR STEPPING UP: Your wife should discuss this with her daughter and granddaughter. Perhaps something could be worked out so that you would start to escort your granddaughter halfway down the aisle and then hand her off to her brother and her mom's boyfriend. However, if that isn't workable, I do not think you should boycott the wedding. That day is not about you; it is supposed to be about the happy couple.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.