We got a high school graduation announcement from our grandnephew last week. I enclosed the following in the card we sent:

Congratulations. We’re proud of you. Linda and I are sending a little something to help with your college education … as well as some old boomer advice from me.

Each year I started my Freshman Experience class at Pittsburg State by putting this Paul Tillich quote on the board: “The passion for truth is silenced by answers which have the weight of undisputed authority.”

This was most times followed by silence when I asked for an interpretation. But, I found that if I waited long enough, a student would give it try. Followed by another. One semester, a young lady observed that they were acting out the quote by questioning its meaning and sharing different takes on it.

Some students offered the realization that just because something is true for them, it doesn’t mean it’s true for others.

The next thing I wrote on the board was, “I need help.” This, I believe, is the secret not only to succeeding in college but life overall. I followed this with little teaching and discussion about why we’re reluctant to seek help. Most of it rooted in fear - fear of being vulnerable, fear of appearing weak or stupid, fear of judgement, fear of rejection and fear of being a burden to someone.

There’s a very basic reason we need to ask for help — life is difficult. To paraphrase M. Scott Peck, the more we deny this fact, the more difficult life becomes. The more we accept it, the less difficult life becomes.”

Countless times in my counseling office at the college I heard students say, “I should know how to do that — so I didn’t ask anyone for help. I don’t want to appear stupid.”

Truth is, it’s just the opposite. One of the primary marks of an intelligent person is the ability to see when he or she does not know how to deal with a problem and ask for help. Once help is found, the person gathers the information or direction needed and proceeds to solve the problem.

Which brings up something as important as asking for help — being willing to “do whatever it takes” to complete the task.

My former PSU professor and mentor, Ed Galloway, gave me a little gem that speaks to this back in 1976. After listening to me whine about the absurdity and difficulty of some of my graduate studies (especially citing one professor) for 10 or 15 minutes he said, “J.T. you want to be a counselor. I think you could be a pretty good one. To be one, you have to complete these classes. Stop complaining and finish. And remember this, “Sometimes in life you have to do things you don’t want to do so that you can do the things you do want to do.”

This turned out to be one of the great truths of my life.

“The Wizard of Oz” is an excellent metaphor for all of the above. In the story, the lost and insecure lion, scarecrow, tin man, and young woman help one another to ‘do whatever it takes’, to face up to and overcome the wicked witch and he monkeys. And in the process, discover their courage, intellect, heart … and the way back home.

Another thing to remember is that most of what we do throughout our lives appears jumbled and blurred in real time. Sometimes it’s hard to make sense of it all. College is no different.

One thing is crystal clear though — the importance of friends. They will help you to not only face your problems but also more deeply experience life’s joys.

So keep the friends you have and make some new ones in college.

Finally, there is no outline, model, or blueprint for success – in college or life in general. Pay attention. Learn the rules, the story, the script … but feel free improvise.

That’s what rest of us have been doing all along.

If you have a story or photo for LBC, contact me at 620-704-1309 or jtknoll@swbell.net